Days like these...







When I haven't got much to do and lots of free time, I tend to think... and though some have told me that I tend to overthink, which is true sometimes, it's good to think (moreso than in the general sense of thinking, as we humans are supposed to do to live, but I could point out a few examples...).


First of all.. I feel old. The people I went to highschool with decided to have a "reunion"... I didn't go... and I got freaked when I knew about it... some of those memories are still so fresh in my head.. and they happened... let's see... six or more years ago. When you reflect in your life and realize there's still so much you haven't done, and you compare it to what you've done in the time you've lived... at the time it made me sad and depressed... but now, a faint sense of hope is appearing, cause I'm supposed to have much more time... but as someone who's thought about death a lot, thinking about ways to die, how it'd be, what would happen if I did, etc, and not being afraid or sad... makes me freaked, cause it gives me the sense that it could happen just about anytime, and who knows if I'm supposed to die young? Cristal ball, anyone? And to those of you with the line "Live every day as if it was your last", first, you're lame, but second...I can't do that... cause I still haven't decided what I'd do... right now, if I knew it was tomorrow...I'd do some easily attainable things, regret the others, say goodbye to everyone and reflect on the good times... and then just do normal things till I fell on the ground. So, if normal things are the things I'd be doing on my last day, that means everyday could be my last.





Along with that... is the fact that one of my best friends is getting married in January. It's selfish to think so, but how is she the same girl who can sit and criticize everyone with me (a hobbie of mine, as messed up as that might be) and at the same time, worry about fixing up a house, actually doing it right, but still get caught up in dramas like she used to? She's the same, but not so much... Yes, people change (another cliche... you people...) but wow... seeing them as they do and realizing that you could do the same (and probably with less money, cause I know better stores and techniques) is eerie. Of course, I'd like to say that I'm not ready to move in with someone, and if you asked people around me, they might say I'm not... but I could do it, and I think I'd pull it off. In the fixing up part, I'd have to get help, but I could do it. And that takes me back to the topic above... cause I could... but I'm not. If it's complicated to get, let me try and simplify... I could... With the right (or maybe the wrong) person, I'd love to...But I'm not. Not that I'm desperate... well, not that desperate... Ok, I'm not about to jump the first guy on the street and buy a house with him... I better shut up now.





And last (I think, for now) I now can say that I know, cause I've felt it in my own skin, why cliches are so attractives (didn't see that one coming, did you?) specially cliches on people.


Ladies' man, Man's man, Man about town. It's... wow. Specially when you know the ladies' man part, cause you can see why they like him, and you can see through the lines (the ones you choose to, at least). I can't help but like him, specially with all the "forbidden fruit" part. I'm pretty sure that makes me more eager to figure him out, to get him on a dissection tray and open him up to see what makes him tick. But I haven't yet... and I'm a bit uneasy about doing so (which leads to me thinking about it)... cause that could lead to me liking him more... and that could awake the "I'll change him" girl... and that one doesn't lead anywhere. But still...*sigh*.

P.D: My friend Abraham gets the credit for this pic.