The Spiderweb of Life

Friday, December 29, 2006

De las propiedades del sueño

Sinesios de Cirene, en el siglo XIV, sostenía en su Tratado sobre los sueños que si un determinado número de personas soñaba al mismo tiempo un hecho igual, éste podía ser llevado a la realidad: "entreguémonos todos entonces, hombres y mujeres, jóvenes y viejos, ricos y pobres, ciudadanos y magistrados, habitantes de la ciudad y el campo, artesanos y oradores, a soñar nuestros deseos. No hay privilegiados por la edad, el sexo, la fortuna o la profesión; el reposo se ofrece a todos: es un oráculo que siempre está dispuesto a ser nuestra terrible y silenciosa arma".

La misma teoría fué afirmada por los judíos aristotélicos de los siglos XII y XIII (o Sinesios la tomó de ellos) y Malmónides, el más grande, logró probarlo (según Gutman en Die Philosophie des Judentums, Munich, 1933), pues se relata que una noche hizo a toda su secta soñar que se terminaba la sequía. Al amanecer, al salir de sus aposentos se encontraron los campos verdes y un suave rocío humedecía sus barbas.

La oposición política de un país que estaba siendo gobernado por una larga tiranía quiso experimentar, siglos después, las excelencias de esta creencia y distribuyó entre la población de manera secreta unas esquelas en las que se daban las instrucciones para el sueño conjunto: en una hora de la noche claramente consignada, los cuidadanos soñarían que el tirano era derrocado y que el pueblo tomaba el poder.

Aunque el experimento comenzó a efectuarse hace mucho tiempo, no ha sido posible obtener ningún resultado, pues Malmónides prevenía (parágrafo XII) queen caso que el objeto de los sueños fuera una persona, debería se sorprendida durmiendo.

Y los tiranos nunca duermen.

Sergio Ramírez, Nicaragüense.

Days like these...







When I haven't got much to do and lots of free time, I tend to think... and though some have told me that I tend to overthink, which is true sometimes, it's good to think (moreso than in the general sense of thinking, as we humans are supposed to do to live, but I could point out a few examples...).


First of all.. I feel old. The people I went to highschool with decided to have a "reunion"... I didn't go... and I got freaked when I knew about it... some of those memories are still so fresh in my head.. and they happened... let's see... six or more years ago. When you reflect in your life and realize there's still so much you haven't done, and you compare it to what you've done in the time you've lived... at the time it made me sad and depressed... but now, a faint sense of hope is appearing, cause I'm supposed to have much more time... but as someone who's thought about death a lot, thinking about ways to die, how it'd be, what would happen if I did, etc, and not being afraid or sad... makes me freaked, cause it gives me the sense that it could happen just about anytime, and who knows if I'm supposed to die young? Cristal ball, anyone? And to those of you with the line "Live every day as if it was your last", first, you're lame, but second...I can't do that... cause I still haven't decided what I'd do... right now, if I knew it was tomorrow...I'd do some easily attainable things, regret the others, say goodbye to everyone and reflect on the good times... and then just do normal things till I fell on the ground. So, if normal things are the things I'd be doing on my last day, that means everyday could be my last.





Along with that... is the fact that one of my best friends is getting married in January. It's selfish to think so, but how is she the same girl who can sit and criticize everyone with me (a hobbie of mine, as messed up as that might be) and at the same time, worry about fixing up a house, actually doing it right, but still get caught up in dramas like she used to? She's the same, but not so much... Yes, people change (another cliche... you people...) but wow... seeing them as they do and realizing that you could do the same (and probably with less money, cause I know better stores and techniques) is eerie. Of course, I'd like to say that I'm not ready to move in with someone, and if you asked people around me, they might say I'm not... but I could do it, and I think I'd pull it off. In the fixing up part, I'd have to get help, but I could do it. And that takes me back to the topic above... cause I could... but I'm not. If it's complicated to get, let me try and simplify... I could... With the right (or maybe the wrong) person, I'd love to...But I'm not. Not that I'm desperate... well, not that desperate... Ok, I'm not about to jump the first guy on the street and buy a house with him... I better shut up now.





And last (I think, for now) I now can say that I know, cause I've felt it in my own skin, why cliches are so attractives (didn't see that one coming, did you?) specially cliches on people.


Ladies' man, Man's man, Man about town. It's... wow. Specially when you know the ladies' man part, cause you can see why they like him, and you can see through the lines (the ones you choose to, at least). I can't help but like him, specially with all the "forbidden fruit" part. I'm pretty sure that makes me more eager to figure him out, to get him on a dissection tray and open him up to see what makes him tick. But I haven't yet... and I'm a bit uneasy about doing so (which leads to me thinking about it)... cause that could lead to me liking him more... and that could awake the "I'll change him" girl... and that one doesn't lead anywhere. But still...*sigh*.







P.D: My friend Abraham gets the credit for this pic.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Anyone?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The flower stood there, in the vase, mocking her.
Of course, being a flower it wasn’t really mocking her, but it felt like such a slap in the face after all.
He’d been, after all, the pursuer… The one who started the “cute yet slightly creepy” notes on her windshield.
“You look great in that pink shirt today”
“Hope that Zoology test wasn’t so hard… Did you remember the anterior and posterior sides of the bones?”
“You look funny looking around for me… I’m shy, that’s why you haven’t met me… Actually, you have met me… But I can’t really tell you the things I can tell you this way face to face…But you look freaked… So I’ll stop now”
The last one almost sent her running for the hills.
The next day came the flower… A fake one. The note with it said: “I know I said I’d stop… But I wanted to give you this, and though I know you don’t like them fake, I want this one to last until I’m brave enough to give you a real one”
She tried, hard, but her illusions were triggered. She looked at more people in the eyes, trying to see if she could read them… to see if any boys gave a special twinkle, meaning he was the one... or if any girl gave her a knowing / jealous look, to indicate that they knew who it was.
The next week after the notes, her car broke down, and while it was in the shop, she had to take the bus.
Of course, Murphy rules all, so on this one day, when she decided to wear one of her skirts to school… it rained. Worse, it poured, the kind of rain that, in a city like hers, breaks the power supply and pretty much collapses everything.
She hated waiting… specially waiting for rain to stop, cause a part of her almost never wanted it to stop raining. So, she looked around, and stifled a laugh to all those naïve people who thought standing close to the edge of the ceiling and looking up to the sky were gonna make the rain stop. Like they didn’t know just how strong nature was… They were studying their work, they should know… But then again, these were the kind of people who littered, in Biology, for god’s sakes.
She decided to leave, cause at least in the bus stop, it wouldn’t be as hot and as crowded as her school was.
She went out, and started walking. In less than five minutes, she was soaked, her skirt clinging to her legs, making it hard for her to walk as fast as she was used to. The funny thing is, she had an umbrella in her bag, but she didn’t like to use umbrellas, they seemed like a betrayal to her… To shield oneself form the great offering of water from the skies… she just couldn’t do it.
One guy from her school came on as she was making her way to the bus stop. He looked shocked to see her dripping water, and motioned to put his umbrella on her and walk with her.

-Thanks, but as you can see, I’m already wet beyond salvation…By the way, if you’re going to class, there’s none, power is out in the school.
She looked at him, who just nodded and kept walking with her, keeping her under his umbrella.
When they got to the street, he held her back as she was about to cross without looking both ways.
In the bus stop, he just closed his umbrella and waited until she sat to sit in another bench, close, yet far from her, and buried his face in a book.
She looked at him a couple times, trying to speak, but she couldn’t.
When her bus came, she said “Bye” and left.
He had to be, yet when he looked up, she saw that it was him, but he wasn’t anymore.
The next day, she searched and searched, but he was nowhere to be found.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


You know, when I said, I'll name my blog the spiderweb of life.. it was thought out,, but it wasnt actually a reality for me. I just figured it was a name, and the way this whole thing started, I thought as Juliet " What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet".

Boy, when life wants to prove something to you, it really likes to rub your head on it till you get the point.

You see, I climbed on one strand, one single little strand of one spiderweb I found, and it unfolded this whole big thing... The natural occurence of things would be that I'd tense one strand and then I'd get stuck and tangle myself in it, and in a way, that's kinda true, but not that I don't think I'm tangled... it's that I like to be tangled... it's brought me fun times.. and sad times, but well, it's as it's supposed to be, balanced.

But right now, I'm getting tangled up in this new part, so to speak of the web... and I like it! Specially since my old web just vanished and left me holding some very scarce strands... which some voices in my head will say it's my fault, and they're probably partially right.

Anyway, I feel a little like Cinderella today, helping everyone to get to the ball and staying in to hold the fort (yes, Cinderella had a cool fort in the story I have in my head, so shut up) and take care of the wizard (yes, there's a wizard in my story too, every cool story has to have a wizard or a witch), but I'm having a fun time, so no matter.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Asi es la Vida.

Qué difícil es decir lo siento
Tracionar un juramento
Un aniversario sin promesas
Sin un sólo beso
Profanar la cama en que dormimos
Y la mesa que gozamos
Y beber el vaso que bebimos
Con distintos labios
Es la vida
Qué culpa tengo yo
Que me lía siempre con una aventura nueva
Que me deja ciego
Y me aleja con su juego
De tu pobre corazón
Adiós te digo
Y me siento mi peor enemigo
Se desgarra nuestra historia pasada
Por otra historia que se queda en nada
Qué difícil es amar de nuevo
Comparar con tu sonrisa
Otras cuatrocientas mil sonrisas
Y entregarme entero
Llegar a querer con tanta prisa
En tan poco tiempo
Y sentir de pronto sentimientos
Sin saber si quiero
Es la vida
Qué culpa tengo yo
Que me lía siempre con una aventura nueva
Que me deja ciego
Y me aleja con su juego
De tu pobre corazón
Adiós te digo
Y me siento mi peor enemigo
Se desgarra nuestra historia pasada
Por otra historia que se queda en nada
Adiós te digo
Y en este adiós llevo mi castigo
Yo te quiero y digo que no te quiero
Y mis lágrimas empapan el suelo
Adiós te digo, adiós te digo
Adiós te digo
Y me siento mipeor enemigo
Se desgarra nuestra historia pasada
Por otra historia que se queda en nada
Adiós te digo, adiós te digo
Tú, principio y final
Conmigo quedarás.

Esta canción me trajo recuerdos... Hablando con una amiga hace poco, me dijo algo que me dejó pensativa, y que le ha estado dando vueltas a mi cabeza desde entonces. De que hablábamos no es muy importante, pero el hecho es que ella me dijo que habia tomado la decisión de no enamorarse nunca más. Claro, esto luego de una historia de amor, odio, drama y desastres como para llenar toda una vida. Hasta aquí todo suena casi que típico... Y casi como el comienzo de una pelicula, donde ella al cruzar una esquina se tropezara con el príncipe de sus sueños (húmedos y secos), y le derramará el cafe y ofrecerá a pagar por su camisa, o quizas chocarán carros, sin que pase nada grave, por supuesto, y se conocerán, las chispas volarán y así, multitud de escenarios ya reconocidos, ad nauseam.
El problema viene en que creo que es capaz de hacerlo... O de intentar por todos los medios posibles hacerlo, incluso corriendo como loca de la menor cosa que toque su corazón al menos un poco. Eso me asusta, sobre todo porque se lo difícil que es, en un mundo como éste, y para mujeres como nosotras, de esas más complicadas que de costumbre, y un poco distintas a los moldes (aunque es probable que lo distinto nos haga iguales, pero eso es otro tema) conseguir a alguien que te haga pensar "wow, I could like this guy", o mejor aún, que te haga pensar, que no te llega con bullshit (al menos no una que puedas ver fácilmente), y que no es, bueno, otro chico de molde.
Quizás sea que yo estoy mirando las cosas de una forma algo pesimista.. pero me parece que tantas películas, canciones, poemas, y todo lo que se hace tomando como tema central el amor y sus devaneos, tan parecidos a una montaña rusa, deben tener al menos un transfondo de realidad, y es que todos buscamos a alguien, asi sea para luego quejarnos de él o ella.
Muchas veces parece que tanto drama no vale la pena, y seria como mas fácil irse a un lugar solitario, pero bonito, tener perros, gatos o algun animal de compañia..hasta una pelota de volleyball sirve, ya lo hemos visto; y sencillamente vivir sin tanto tormento.
Pero lo encuentro una existencia tan, pero tan monótona, aunque sé bien que los humanos somos capaces de encontrar felicidad hasta en el más mínimo rincon, y si vives sin algo el tiempo suficiente, no lo extrañarás mas, o si nunca lo tuviste, no sabrás que te perdiste. Pero ahí veo el detalle, que para que alguien decida aislarse de esa forma, debe tener una cicatriz bastante grande que lo haga pensar que es mejor ver el juego desde la banca, y entonces te condenas a revivir el pasado, y ahi puedes podrirte, dejando pasar la oportunidad de volver a vivir otros momentos, quizas peores o mejores, pero vivirlos.
Al final, puedes llevar al caballo al río, y hasta meterle la cabeza al agua, pero si no quiere beber... pues se ahogara antes de hacerlo.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Edixon y Alida...

Si vives en Maracaibo, y has salido lo suficiente (es decir, si no eres un ermitaño), debes haber visto este graffitti en algun lado.

En Maracaibo hay muchos graffittis originales, asi como propagandas, carteles y afiches, pero Edixon y Alida, a pesar de ser dos personajes anónimos (no se de nadie que los conozca) han logrado salpicar muchísimas pardes con lo que asumiré que es una declaración de su amor eterno e intocable. A veces le ponen Amén bajo los dos nombres... Debe ser el caracter sagrado del gran amor que se tienen... Otras veces colocan un OK?, que a mi me suena desafiante, como retando a alguien a que los contradiga.

Quisiera conocerlos, saber cuál fue su motivación para escribir en casi cualquier pared disponible esa declaración de amor tan elocuente... O saber si es algo así como una contraseña, una parte de la historia contemporánea urbana que no conozco...Será un juego? O una adivinanza?

Si, es algo muy ocioso hacerse todas esas preguntas en vez de descartarlo como producto del aburrimiento da algun usuario anónimo con algo de pintura en spray, pero es que tiene que haber algo mas detrás de todo el cuento de los graffittis, son muchos y muy dispersos como para ser algo al azar.

Claro, tambien me gustaria saber las historias de amor detras de perlas como "Te quiero, mi Purrun. Tu Kotito" que tiene un trasfondo homosexual para mi, y que me trae una referencia histórica de amores prohibidos, y del amor de hombres, que según algunos es el más bello, pero el más incomprendido, y segun otros es así, duro, a mordiscos, sin mariqueras. Y un último, que no sé si ya haya desaparecido "Te quiero mi chiripa de fororo", que me hace preguntarme que motivó al chico (asumiré que es un chico en favor de la discusión) a decirle a la chica chiripa, cosa que para la mayoria debe ser algo chocante, considerando que aproximadamente el 80% de las mujeres consideran a las cucharachas como seres absolutamente repulsivos.

Tienen algun otro?